Thoughts on Dating

I haven't blogged lately. It's not that I don't have alot about which to comment. It's just that my thoughts aren't really suitable for blogging.

I read an article the other day that said one of the top ten things to steer clear of in a potential girlfriend is that she writes a blog. So I contemplated just getting rid of this thing. I have enough strikes against me, including my own lack of faith in my ability to attract the opposite sex, that a blog probably is the easiest fix. (I know it's more about comments like that that are why I don't attract a date and I'm working on that.)

I've really only ever had three relatively serious relationships and all but one ended with the agreement to just be friends.

I mean that should be easy right? We started out as friends. We are good as friends. A part of me wants to hold on tightly to the few friends that I have.

There's this category now though of the friends that I dated, that remain friends even though we don't date. My girlfriends mostly find it odd that I have this category. And I've analyzed it and have wondered if it because I really didn't move much past the friendship in these relationships that we can just move back to being friends after dating?

I'll admit it is downright depressing to watch these friends move on to love other people. The friend part of me is happy for them, even though as a woman I hold on to this melancholy thought that I just wasn't the one they found attractive that kind of puts this awkwardness to the conversation. But I'll admit to some fault there. Why did I just give up? Is it because I knew there really wasn't truly love there?

And so we move on as friends. I'll admit to the voice in my head asking all sorts of questions while we sit and eat or hang out together and probably he doesn't think about anything other than eating his meal and enjoying the lovely evening.

Again maybe I am just wired differently? I think too much.

When Harry Met Sally was on tv again the other night in the hotel in Reno. Can men and women really be friends? There is the whole sex part that gets in the way but I think that's just a copout.

Especially since that makes the act of sex into something that is casual and it isn't casual. Moving into a sexual relationship shouldn't just be tossed to the wind. It should have feeling and meaning and relationship that's a deeper commitment than just trying to lose your virginity because you are almost 40 and don't want to be the brunt of some cruel society stigma thanks to some stupid movie. The souls need real love. And that can't be forced but I think hits you like a truck when it does. (At least that's what I've observed with friends of mine.)

Or does the movie have the missing answer in it's very last scene? Harry say to Sally: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Maybe when you find that with another person; when you honestly feel THAT elusive quality in another person that's when you move from friendship to love. The rest of the time really all you are is friends who are attracted to each other.

I desire to experience that kind of love before I die. I was forcing a seriousness to a casual friendship that just wasn't there. I craved companionship. Intimacy. And in the end I probably wrecked what was a beautiful friendship.

Why all of a sudden am I humming Foreigner tunes from the 80's?

Just felt the need to toss this out there, so I can move on to blogging about superficial things.