theAlley:worship launch was today and it was good. I know that seems like such a mellow word for what should be more profound, especially for something I've been imagining and anticipating for a few months but it's the word I've landed on. Maybe I'm channeling Genesis where the start of everything God pretty much states "and it was good" who knows?

One of the distracting things for me about worshiping is that I'm an observer and am touched by human interaction that I feel like I shouldn't be eavesdropping on...seeing the pain and the sorrow of people moved in worship and the pain being absorbed by the person who loves them...it's just sort of cool in a sort of wistful sort of way.

I have so many of my friends and co-workers currently going through serious marital problems. I know their problems are best left to be dealt with between themselves however as their friend, I can't help but feel brokenhearted that love is shattered, betrayed and not having been married I know I cannot fathom the extent that it IS.

Anyhow I guess where I was going with that derailed thought was that as I looked at these couples and the other families in the bleachers, I don't know their stories but repeatedly it was just good to see the God works through these relationships to strengthen them and so a tearful song that brings a hand to hold makes that little voice in my head go "aw".

It's just "good" to see these examples of relationships that I can only wish for...both for my friends who are having tough times...whether they stay with their husbands or forge forward into a different life...and someday for myself. I've been coming to realize that it is important to me that the man I love, loves God - it's not that it wasn't on the "list" of criteria I have in my head, but it really wasn't that high on priority.

It's good to have friends there and I feel like I'm getting to know more people however I still sometimes feel like such a loner and that's kind of hard. I know in my heart of heart that this is meant to be where I'm at and somehow we need a mix...a community of individuals who aren't all married with kids or married without kids to relate and create a community with those similar people...I don't really know where I'm going with that other than to comment that whenever something new starts I imagine it is always hard to be the odd-duck in the group. Although its something I'm kind of used to....and to quote the movie Mighty Ducks....Quack Quack Quack.

As for an update on ProPresenter 3 (not that any of you really care...it's just this blog tends to be my avenue for venting what others would normally tell their husbands or roommates and since I have neither...wa-la...blog dump. You anonymous and not so anonymous readers get to be my venting source. And probably feel infinitely glad you don't live with me because imagine what I don't write?? :)

I'm sure it's frustrating that I seem so completely nitpickey. I think it's a cool program and I like the small things like merging images and stuff...what I don't like are the things I can't practice like timings with the actual music and little lyric changes that are different than the way it's printed on the sheets I've been given

A plus - at the very least the computer didn't crash (which it did four times last night as I practiced the timing of the slide background transitions)

There are still some frustrating things to work out and hopefully will be solved by the ProPresenter people in their next update. (why the limitations on the wide screen? How can a large file appear so pixelated? Why when I connect the projector do all of my slides have to be resized?)

I also need to work on Bible text sizing...there was a song where we showed three different bible verses and while I didn't exactly know what 45 seconds felt like - I know there was NO WAY that anyone was able to read the final psalm on the screen not only because of the size of the font but because timing of it with the music only allowed it to be up there for what seemed like 7 seconds. ARGH!!!!

Part of the slightly overwhelming and indescribable feeling is that I'm not exactly comfortable with the software yet. So the natural ebb and flow of going from song to song has my mind thinking about a few more things than normal during worship. The software also requires a bit of ambidextrous movement and I'm more of a right-hand then left hand sort of gal - so it's hard to get used to clicking with both hands. (That's one of the reasons I gave up piano years ago because my hands are not geared that way.)

It also was a really quick turnaround to rehearse and start the pre-worship video so I know I'm going to have to go into Sundays knowing that the slides are correct or the last few songs may end up being a crapshoot and that's a little stressful to me.

Also there's a bit more than just to click to the next slide to get the various backgrounds and videos to work together smoothly and while 99.2% of people may never notice the hiccups between transitions...I don't know...I just sort of approach this as my way of worshiping and while I know full well it won't be perfect I would like to strive for pleasing.

Also I overthink the software and am probably making it more than it needs to be. I'll stop complaining now - it will get figured out but much like a musician practices their instrument - this is sort of like that to me. Of course it is afterall practically meaningless in the great grand scheme of things but somehow I just don't want to be the cause of a distraction in worship. I also want to be able to read back on the blog in a year or so and be able to say - what in the world was I fretting about

Finally, I have this pet peeve of mine about picture taking during worship. God bless those who want to do it to capture a moment but be a little discrete about it. That might be a little too forward to toss out there on this blog and if I knew the person I might have mentioned it to them - however I just wouldn't really know what to say without making them feel like I was judging them...and I guess I am...it's just so distracting and I know their heart was there in love but in the moment...let the camera alone.

And finally - I am terrible with names and people I supposedly have met. I was walking through the parking lot at the park today (going to the picnic after worship) and an older couple was walking towards me and said Hello Tina and tossed off a german greeting which makes me believe that we've actually had more of a conversation for them to know that I know a little German...my frustration was that I didn't have a clue who they were and how I knew them and it will probably be that way for awhile.

As for work...let's hope this week is a better week.