In Memory of Erik

My cousin Erik died this morning after a lengthy illness.

I knew it wasn't going to be long before I had to type that sentence and yet, a part of me can't really believe that someone who was pretty exuberantly there can now only be talked to via prayer and I won't ever get a "hey there old lady" sarcastic answer back.

He called me his old lady cousin. Never entirely sure how he came up with that nickname but I think because it was so sporadic that I'd see him - I went off to college and I guess came back all grown up and when I saw him I kind of dress sort of frumpy so the old lady "with a bit of a chuckle" kind of stuck.

I'm one of the few in our family who knew most of his history and his dreams. A few years ago he wrote his autobiography and he wanted me to type it up and publish it. I read the work and aside from horrible spelling and grammar (which he admitted was why he chose me) I admit I judged him more harshly after I read it because there were parts of the story that I felt the world really didn't need to hear. I printed him one copy and sent his original back to him with a note and we never spoke of the project again.

He had rock star dreams and between publishing a tape of his music and this autobiography he was sure he would make it happen.

Erik was disabled because of something that happened to him in high school at a party with drugs. It's always been kind of sketchy of a story not really shared with our generation but suffice it to say, he had difficulty working and living a more normal life than most. He lived though, and one of his greatest dreams was to get married.

He was pretty obsessed with women and past girlfriends and the idea of getting married. He also loved music. I'd like to think I treated him as any normal human being but in the last few years, I've been slacking in getting together with him. The last time we spoke was via the phone about 4 months ago. He called me out of the blue. Just to say hi. Not many people in my family do that. But he did.

He collected postcards.

He loved God. Through all of the ups and downs it seemed like God was who he turned to. He wasn't afraid to ask people how their walk was going.

And so, now he's there...in heaven and I imagine his guitar is tuned (It never really was) and his voice is clear and if it's possible to be with those he loves, he's with his dogs and his dad and while he will be missed here on earth, we know that ultimately he's where he wanted to be.