I had a long time to think last night. As we zoomed over memphis, probably indianapolis, illinois, part of iowa and MN I spent a lot of time thinking about the most random of things. Do you ever think back over your life and where you are right now and wonder how in the world did I get to this place and not somewhere else?

Maybe it stemmed from Grumpy McGrump's story about moving all the way from Minnesota to Alabama. Maybe it was seeing all of the tiny neighborhoods, each with their extra bright glowing christmas light displays and behind them each a family with a different story. I wondered how is it that people wind up where they are and with whom they love while others just end up on some other completely different journey halfway around the world?

Senior year of high school I was all set to go to Illinois State. Besides picking a dormitory room, I had the forms all filled out. Ready to be a teacher. And then mom talked me into looking at one more college. I agreed with her logic and we ended up driving to Winona State. I fell in love with the campus and changed the entire plan and went to Winona. If I had never done that I would have had a completely different first love, probably never pursued broadcasting, possibly have never visited Minnesota again, never treasured many of the friends I still have today.

I did wonder last night...what would life be like had I taken a different path? And what does that mean for the decisions that lay before me?

I am restless. I really desire to love someone and be loved in return. I am wondering if I've veered off in a direction I wasn't supposed to go? And what's all this talk of God's plan when I haven't really done all that great a job of consulting him for other decisions I've made.

Maybe it was because my ipod was reshuffling the similar song over and lyrics that continued the thought process sinking into thoughts that I'm not even blogging about but surely thinking about....

"reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end" "the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle"
(Casting Crowns)

"You've been saying for the longest time that the time has come
You've been talking like you're of a mind to get some changing done
Maybe move out of the city, find some quiet little town
Where you can sit out on your back porch step
And watch the sun go down
No one knows where they belong
The search just goes on and on and on
For every choice that ends up wrong
Another one's right
A change of scene would sure be great
The thought is nice to contemplate
But the question begs why would you wait
And be late for your life
Now you might never find that perfect town
But the sun still sets on a rooftop where the city
Sounds like a Gershwin clarinet
And you might still be searching every face for one you can't forget
Love is out there in a stranger's clothes
You just haven't met him yet
No one knows where they belong
The search just goes on and on and on
For every day that ends up wrong
Another one's right
Call it chance or call it fate
Either one is cause to celebrate
Still the question begs why would you wait
And be late for your life"
(Mary Chapin Carpenter)

Perhaps all I really need to do is just change the tunes on my ipod?