So a couple of things got me to this place in pondering tonight. Just now I ambled across this clip

I really enjoyed the movie Bruce Almighty. I totally forgot that Steve Carrell was in the original movie as Bruce's arch rival. Of course much like the original the editors of the trailer probably ruined the entire movie with the clip...ah I love the announcer guy's voice.

But it also led me to this thought...if posed with the word from God that said go do something that in this day and age just was plain crazy, I probably wouldn't do it. I wouldn't trust the messenger and c'mon - REALITY doesn't allow us to follow these sorts of visions...or does it? Have we just become too focused on what we think reality is that if faced with something like the end of the world I guess I really wonder whether anyone would jump on board and follow God's direction to build an ark?

Yep I'm jaded and conflicted. Been doing too much thinking to about awe and fear of God's wrath. Why are these messages and passages being thrown at me from seemingly every direction? Do I really think God sends messages? Yep, I do. I just don't understand why lately everyone is bringing the Matthew 7's to light...the "you think you are fine and dandy, but don't you realize that God will judge you for not forgiving your fellow sinner..." on and on it goes and maybe it's just a matter to have a healthy fear of God will help you stay closer to him but for crying out loud - what's with all the focus on these topics lately? I GET IT ALREADY that I don't have ANYTHING figured out, well, except that Easter's A-comin' and that message has got to be the answer.

I just guess I don't fully understand grace... Grace can't be some sort of cosmic "easy"button. Jesus died for my sins. I confess and know that I'm forgiven. But toss in all of this other sort of judgement and what does it mean? Ask the question and it makes people look at you like you just don't believe enough. Have faith. I want to be able to define it myself. And when faced with these scriptures that say judgement for forgiveness may mean hell...or Pretty much the entire chapter of Matthew 7 could it just be that I'm just taking these bits of text to literally and not seeing the big picture? Probably the Holy Spirit just needs to do some more work with me.

Wherever did I jump to that from Bruce Almighty but maybe it's just that I've become so jaded lately. And there is no greater thing to do but see life through the eyes of an unjaded 10 year old.

I'll start off by saying - boy am I tired. Physically and maybe a little bit mentally. I honestly don't know how everyone who has kids does it day in and day out but boy what a blessing. I'll title this random observations of a 10 year old.

Out of nowhere she says...I don't know how many children I'll have. To which I say, well how many do you want, to which she says - I was thinking 19. Yep, 19, for no apparent reason other than families need to be big with lots of love to go around.

We've had this discussion before in a different way and I think she is very concerned that I don't have kids of my own but just randomly borrow some from time to time.

Apparently I live in the BIG CITY and she lives in the country (River Falls) and while there are cows right down from the street where they live, c'mon it's not exactly Green Acres... Anyhow I thought this was cute too...she says...it's nice in the country but I can see why you live in the city - there's so much action. I wouldn't want to live there but boy it's fun to visit.

Did you know snakes have soft skin and apparently like to cuddle? Well, at least one snake did...actually it's probably a theory I will never test out, I'll just take her word on it.

Throughout the day there were just random acts of kindness...she stood by this big funnel and there are these metal balls that go round and round and round and she stood there waiting patiently for the balls to come out the hole at the bottom, not to play with them herself but to hand them off to the other little kids.

Watching her made me long for the time when I wasn't quite so jaded and could be a bit more enthuastic with something new. Watching her could sincerely be sung to the tune of "I hope you dance" and in particular the verse... I hope you never lose your sense of wonder...

At times I sense that she is entering her teeny years where life's realities start butting in and I can understand now why so many adults told me when I was that age to slow down and enjoy life. What a challenge to know what you know and have to watch children go through the same process of losing a sense of childhood.

We all just need to find the passion for life again. We need to be a bit less fearful of reality and regain a sense of wonder...I know I need to do this more...have conviction, be curious, trust more.