remembering Erik

Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my cousin Erik's death.  It's not something I think of often and I'm not really like my mom, who keeps a calendar of "death" days alongside her birthday calendar.

I have to admit I've been thinking about him lately because I knew this anniversary was approaching.

The one thing he always wanted was for a woman to love him.  I remember the few years that he was "engaged".  He just seemed so completely in love with the idea of being loved.

I can't say that I blame him.  It's tough to live this life alone.  But more so, it's just nice to have people in your life that look forward to sharing life with you and who take time to consider what life is like with you inside of theirs.

I think everyone deep down wants to be loved.  To have another person care enough to share something so ordinary but also to be considered.

Now my mom and family keep trying to tell me that they are concerned when I ramble this way because they worry that I don't think THEY love me.  I know my family loves me and I hope they know I love them.  But romantic love is just way different and much like Erik, I have a dream that someday, I will find someone to consider who is considerate right back.  Gosh, that's not that much to ask for but seriously, I've failed at this so far.

So to Erik - I'm sorry you didn't experience all of love here on this earth but I'm sure that heaven has been a more stellar experience for you than I can even imagine.