One of the many ways I earned money in high school was babysitting. I also rather enjoy spending time with my little cousins and godchildren when I'm home. However tonight confirmed that I have forgotten everything I know about entertaining little kids. Or perhaps it was the mere fact that the kids outnumbered the adults by a lot that at some point it just felt a little overwhelming. One hour. That shouldn't be that hard right?

I don't have children. I can't imagine being alone and raising one child. Heck, I got home late tonight, gobbled a bowl of cereal while standing at the sink for dinner. I watch in amazement as my friends juggle schedules and t-ball.

And living in a household surrounded by these children who you can't just drop off or count the minutes until you are done. You aren't done. And these gifts from God are yours to love forever.

Couple that with a reason why you are living in a protective shelter and I've just got to imagine that life gets infinitely harder. And the kids, they have personalities and moments of preciousness that tug at my heart. The caring for a dolly. The perpetual energy. This little boy kept grabbing at my leg...hugging it with the strength of a two year old. An older boy just hid under a table for half the time we were playing. Others just wanted to run off steam. And every time I think that maybe I can't give an hour because I'm too tired, I think about their ability to play and the ability for those moms to have an hour where their child isn't their complete responsiblity. An hour isn't that hard...but boy there has to be a way to make that a little more structured or doable.

It sounds like I don't want children of my own. That's not exactly the case. All of that decision is in God's hands. I do however have this wish (part of the twenty I mentioned last night) to find a husband first. Part of that is selfish and another part is my belief that while there are strong single parent families, if I have the choice I'd rather share the joy with someone else.

That sounds like I'm on this husband hunt and that's not the case either.

In the meantime, at least it's a way to not think about the mess the rest of my life is turning into. One thing is for sure, if the gig at Ecoville doesn't get better, I doubt I'll head back to babysitting.